The majority of the mammas I support are second time mums. Why? Because we know what to expect and we know the importance of a solid support team to nurture and nourish us as new mums!
Juggling the newborn period when you have toddler or older child to run around after can be intense and overwhelming. Creating that balance and learning how to support yourself and your new family unit is definately a conversation to have with your partner so you are both on the same page. Here are my top tips...
Ask for help - this is always my number one!! Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, I know it can be hard but friends and family want to help so ensuring they are giving you the right kind of help means everyone wins!
Just you and bub days - in those first 6 weeks when you are learning about your baby, feeding 24/7 and trying to get some rest knowing you have 2 days minimum (not including weekends when your partner is mostly likely to be around) during the week where you can just be at home and focus on yourself and your baby is an absolute must.
The role of your partner - chat to your partner before your second Bub arrives on how the family dynamics are going to work in those first 6 weeks. Your partner defo has a more involved role second time around. They can focus on the older child, taking them out for days leaving you at home to rest and feed. Knowing that they are both having fun together takes away that mamma guilt!!
Missing spending time with your oldest child - this is real and it can really hurt your heart! But know that this is just a short period of time where you cannot do everything for both children and that you will come out of this new born bubble. If you try to be everything to everyone in those first couple of months you will become depleted and exhausted and we don’t want that for you mamma!
5. Ten minutes of play time - on those days you do have energy to play with your oldest child, it can take just ten minutes of intense focused play to fill both of your cups and hearts! Doing this at the end of the day when your partner can take baby and you can give 100% to your older child is the most beautiful way to end the day.
6. Cuddles & communication - keep up the cuddles, the I love you’s, the back tickles, the whispering in the ears with your older child. When you have had a tough day a big hug and breathing in your their smell you will both get an oxytocin hit and sometimes that is all you both need to reconnect!
7. Avoiding resentment towards the baby - a great tip I was once given and which I pass on to all my second time mammas is not blaming the baby when you cannot do something. For example instead of saying ‘when I have finished feeding baby we will go’ say ‘we will go in ten minutes’. ‘No we cannot do that as I cannot take the baby there’ say ‘let’s save that trip/activity for another week.’ You get the idea!
8. Stock the freezer - takes on a whole new meaning second time round. Stocking up the freezer with batches of your childs favourite foods which you can easily reheat will be a life saving!! Once again ask family and friends to cook a big batch of your favourite family meals. Don't forget yourself - this is the perfect excuse to outsource and get me in do my 'fill your freezer' offering!!!
9. Creating Mamma Time - all you need sometimes is just 5 mins to reconnect in with yourself, breathe and do something jsut for you! Having your 5 mins of mamma time serveral times throughout the day and make sure your partner nags you about taking this time and vice versa for him too!
10. Sleep - its all about quality over quantity! Create a sanctuary where you can feel calm and rest no matter the state of the rest of the house! Also just putting it out there, but ensuring your partner gets a good night sleep so he has energy for the older child during the day, talk about him sleeping in a seperate room (if you have the space) from you and bub! (I am going to write a whole seperate post on sleep keep an eye out for it!).
11. Get a postpartum doula - ok I really had to add this in as you need nurturing and nourishing mamma and a postaprtum doula will do just that. Investing in yourself is the best invesment and you know you don't need all the things second time round so using any extra funds to book in a doula will be the best possible thing for you and your new family!!
I really hope that these tips help create a smooth a transition as possible for you and your new family of four! Embrace the choas, the mess and breathe! Reach out if you are becoming a second time mamma and need support. I am here for you!